RUN, DEATH IS COMING
Background Music- Ride of the Valkyries by Richard Wagner
Carnage. Fire, ash and blood in an open field. It appears to be the aftermath of a fierce battle. Bodies of Horses and humans alike rotting. Vultures burrowing into flesh and flies buzzing around.
Dark clouds in the sky slowly creep out of their hiding places to dominate the heavenly stage; Heavy and filled with wrath waiting to be unleashed. Murderous thunder and sinister Lightning. You can hear their screams and see sparks from the clash of their weaponry.
We hear a low cough from among a pile of dead bodies.
The camera pans pointlessly to find where the cough is coming from.
It moves on.
We are taken around the battlefield to see the true scope of the horrors and destruction. Decapitated heads on a pike, puss bubbling out of the eyes of young men.
We hear the cough again, but louder this time.
The camera pans to find the voice again but still can’t locate it among the pile of bodies.
It moves on.
“Hey chief, are you going to bring the camera here or what” a voice from the pile of bodies screams.
The camera pans back quickly to the bodies, and we see a blood-stained hand waving excitedly..
The camera zooms in to where the hand was.
We see a body with burn marks all over him, without a head. Dressed in scorched combat boots, black jeans and the 99/00 Manchester United SHARP Jersey.
We are given a close-up shot of the jersey Logo.
An elegant-looking devil holding on to a trident/ strippers pole with its butt out.
“For christ’s sake, here!!!!!!” We hear a voice just a few metres ahead grunt.
The camera moves to show a head. A decapitated head.
We see the head of a gorgeous, gorgeous man that just has to be a Yoruba Man because only Yoruba men are built that way.
His eyes suddenly open dramatically and a smile forms on his face
Do not be afraid dear mortal, I mean you no harm, I come in peace! he exclaims.
What harm can a mere head inflict anyway……. except nerve-fracturing “head” of course but asides from that, you have literally nothing to fear from me. Now I know you have many questions, you’re wondering, what exactly happened here? why is my beautiful hair so rough? and most importantly Why the fuck haven’t I posted any of my writings in almost 3 months?
*coughs*
Well, let me tell you a story, but before i continue i suggest you head to the bathroom, afterwards get some snacks and drinks then recline on a very comfortable chair or sofa floor because it’s about to be a very long ride.”
*coughs*
Once upon a time, there lived a young lad who was an unserious, lazy, chronic procrastinator who always sat on his arse waiting for Uranus to make a perfect angle at Venus before making any real moves.
The OGs recognise this reference, but if you don’t; HERE get your clueless ass up to speed.
One day he awoke from his life of meaningless slumber and decided to wage war against his unproductive habits, and ultimately for the longest time he won, for the longest time he found it easier to impose his will on his worst enemy; Himself.
O, you should have seen his battalions and chariots; they were glorious. Moving with deadly precision as they continuously slew the enemy, soaking the soil in blood and ink, week after week.
The young lad, formerly a peasant, was now a general. Tributes were paid to him from all over. Men and women from far and wide visited to sing his praise.
After some time, he stopped leading his men into battle weekly. He lay with beautiful maidens, drank wine and told exaggerated tales of his battle to anyone who would listen and mostly to himself.
He led occasional raids from time to time, and his mind-blowing manoeuvres seemed to confirm the things he had always thought but had never had the balls to say out loud; maybe truly he was the greatest ever to do it, a generational talent, a genius.
With this he reduced the frequency of his raids even more; he had nothing to prove.
More time went by, and soon, he couldn’t lead raids anymore. The fear that he would lead a charge and lose, crippled him because now his reputation and identity were at stake. He couldn’t attack because of the off chance that he could be defeated, but he was also terrifyingly aware of the growing strength of the enemy.
The once-great general was trapped. Stuck between an oncoming avalanche of rocks and a hard place. Action was required, so he devised a plan, one he found particularly profound.
Why wage little wars against the enemy consistently when he could land one major blow that decimates it. Why battle the hydra and its constantly growing heads, when you could just strike it in the heart altogether and take the enemy once and for all.
He raised legions, called upon the fyrds and created the greatest army known to man to embark on one last mission, the mission that was going to end all missions.
Drunk and heavily intoxicated, just like the many great generals before him, before they met their doom. Just like Napoleon when he invaded Russia or Hilter with Operation Barbarossa when he tried to invade……….. Guess who? Russia.
They forget some enemies are just too large to destroy in one strike, too much to chew in one bite.
Needless to say, the young general led his soldiers into a massacre. No man or woman was spared, and thus, one of the most gifted armies the world had ever seen was laid to waste due to the actions and inactions of an arrogant, insecure, overly ambitious and inexperienced general.
Where is the general now?
His head lays a few meters away from his body, narrating his tragic ordeal to a mildly interested audience.
Why is he narrating his tragic ordeal?
Truly no one knows.
but word on the street is that he’s looking to stage a comeback, they say he intends to raise a new force, a new army. Gossip going around the village say the general hopes to bring back his weekly raids. The women say that last night men dressed in Red Jersey Shorts and Black hoodies were seen riding around the village just like they did during that Golden Age of Heroes. But you never be sure with women though, they see a lot of things, especially things that are’nt what they seem.
Could the rumours be true? Could it be possible that the great general survived that hellish burnout?
I highly doubt it but I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.
If the rumours are true, if verily, verily the general is back then I have only one thing to say to his enemy:
RUN, DEATH IS COMING..
